so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
