I cockslap morals
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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