just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
