i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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