dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
