You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
