how can u be prego again
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize