I just threw up on my dentist
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize