I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
