So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Boobs are out for the taking
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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