I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
