the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
