I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
