I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
