I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
