Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
