Are we in a gay sports bar?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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