When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
