omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize