i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
