Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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