chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
