she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
