all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
