i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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