Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
