Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
