Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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