There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
