I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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