found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
