You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
whose parrot is this?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
