Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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