I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
