this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
