You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
