I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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