You just made me feel so damn special
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
