Do vagina's smell?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
