sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
