My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
