i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize
