God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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