I heard we made out
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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