So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
