I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
