if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
