I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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