Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
