I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
