That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
