dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
