I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We have started to decorate penises.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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