i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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