Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
