MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
not ubering you a puppy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
