i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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