please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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