Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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