For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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