How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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