Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
