My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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