having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
