So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
