I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
