its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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