Need sex. Gaining weight.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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