; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what day is it and did you see me today?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
