I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
