he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this just has baby written all over it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i out mim tonsoeep
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
