they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
