My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
