We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
