Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
