Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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