my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
