So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
