Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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