Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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